Holiday Season Survival
Well the Holidays are here. Boy, is it much different from last year. Thanksgiving was also my birthday and well, I decided to just get away with my husband and be alone for a while. I think it was much needed.
Now Christmas is coming up and I can't really avoid gatherings or family. While I've adjusted to being able to be out and about i'm definitely not the same me I was before we lost Noel. I still try to stay in the Christmas spirit. We recently just put up our Christmas tree and we decided to buy Noel his first Christmas ornament. LUCKILY there is a bunch of NOEL ornaments during the holidays. I think we will continue to get different Noel ornaments every year in remembrance of him.
I'm a lucky woman who has the support of her husband, family and friends. I'm so grateful for all of that. I still struggle with being good one minute and the next I just need to be alone with my feelings. It happens. THIS IS COMPLETELY NORMAL. I just want everyone to know. I'm ok, I just need to get away from it all for a second.
Family time is going to happen so if there is something that maybe "bothers" you or gets you in a down feeling maybe ask your husband or friend to talk to the family ahead of time to fill them in. I'd hope families would understand that holidays are a sensitive time for those who have lost, not just a baby but any family member or even for those who are having trouble conceiving. This year just be considerate to those who may not be as lucky as all of us. Spread the good vibes and the love. Let people know that it's gonna be ok. Just keep going.
Here's some tips for family and friends to help the bereaved survive the holidays:
Offer to establish a family ritual. Light a candle in memory of the lost child and in support of the bereaved parents. If you already light candles in ritual, ask if you can include the baby and bereaved parents.
Imagine the situation from their eyes. For example, if there is a baby at a holiday gathering, consider gently letting the bereaved parents know that you are thinking of them. If your sister-in-law had a loss and you have a baby, think of a way to reach out and let her know that you wish things were different and that you want to help her.
Consider making a memorial donation in the child's name. Pick a charity that is important to the family or one that supports grieving families. If the parents named their baby, ask if you can make a donation to a particular organization in his or her memory. Remembering the child by name can be deeply validating to a family coping with loss.
Remember the father is grieving too. A father's loss is often less acknowledged than the mother's. Let the father know you recognize his loss as well and ask how you can support him.
Don't be afraid to talk about it. The memory of loss stays with parents for a lifetime, and many bereaved parents derive strength and love from acknowledgment of their pain. And it is both ironic and understandable this validation of pain is precisely what draws the bereaved closer, cinching the fabric of complex and encompassing familial love even as it lifts a veil of silence.
Thank you to: https://www.seleni.org/advice-support/article/coping-with-perinatal-loss-during-the-holidays for the tips!
Happy Holidays from us to you!
