Tips for Friends & Family of Bereaved Parents
Being a friend of a bereaved parent is a tough job. I know there are times in which you can't find the words to say or think of the things to do for them. Well I'm here to tell you that NO WORDS are needed. 95% of the time I just needed someone there to listen to me or sit there in silence with me.
When I was told Noel wasn't going to survive I only told a small group of very close friends. They all got together and brought me food while my husband went to run some errands. (During the short time I was released from the hospital and Noel was still in my belly) They assured me that I didn't have to talk about anything if I didn't want to. It's hard for friends and family because they too are going through the loss while also trying to figure out how to make you feel better.
My husband and I are so lucky to have the family and friends we have by our side. They truly kept our spirits high.
TIPS
Bring FOOD- Through it all there's truly not much time to find the energy to cook while grieving.
Bring GIFTS- My friends brought me flowers and even a blanket for me to cuddle in and try to feel better. It helped so much.
Bring SILENCE- My parents were the best at this. They never wanted me to be alone so while my husband would go to work my parents would come and spend the day with me. Sometimes just peoples presence is needed
Offer to DO CHORES- This goes with the "Bring Food" idea. Not only is there no time or energy to cook but sometimes even chores are hard to do. Offer a helping hand in cleaning. Also suggest the parents and you do the chores together to get them up and running too.
Offer to clean up their SOCIAL MEDIA- I spoke about this in a previous blog. Social media has a great feature to "unfollow" people. Sometimes the parents aren't ready to see other pregnant people or pictures of babies on their feed. Offer to hide those things. Also offer to cancel any baby planned things depending on time in which the loss has happened. Maybe a baby shower has to be cancelled. Maybe a baby shower registry has to be cancelled in order to not get emails. Talk to them and let them know you're at their disposal with any help they may need. Even Pinterest might need some cleaning up too. Unfollow baby related things etc. (This might sound a little crazy but I did this for myself. I just wasn't ready to see it all.)
Offer FINANCIAL HELP- If you're able to help financially please offer help to your friend or family. Hospital bills are so hard after the loss of a baby. (I'm still going through this. But it's ok, we all push through)
ALWAYS LET THEM KNOW THAT YOU'RE THERE FOR THEM AND THAT THINGS WILL BE A NEVER ENDING JOURNEY BUT IT'LL BE OK.
Do NOT say "You'll have more children"- I believe this was said to me from both friends and family but I don't hold it against them. I know they're just trying to be positive. BUT the truth is, those words hurt. One can never be so sure if they will have more children or not. Plus a new child won't replace the pain. ETC. Point is, try not to say it.
