Constant Grieving
From the moment we were given the news that Noel wouldn't survive past birth I began to grieve. While my in-laws, husband, family and friends prayed and prayed I needed to stop and face reality. While I did hope for the best I also needed to understand that the best may not happen. Only God knows why he picked our son to be his angel. I faced the truth and enjoyed my son every second I still had him. I soaked up every kick and tried to just appreciate the time we had.
When I was released from the hospital for a short period my husband and I went to get pedicures. While I didn't want to, my husband and friends/family urged me to get out of the house so I wouldn't be too sad. While I was sitting there thinking of a color something came over me. I said "The baby's favorite color is green". And so I picked green nail polish.
The baby passed away on May 28th. Days after while we were setting up cremation and ceremony plans I looked up May's birthstone. EMERALD GREEN! I was shocked and my heart flooded with love. I'm convinced my baby was talking to me. From then on everything has been green.
Weeks later as I started dealing with the emptiness in my heart I picked up Calligraphy. It filled up my time and allowed me to be alone with my thoughts. Writing about what happened to us helped so much.
A month later I dyed my hair green and decided to get a tattoo of a heart in memory of my son. (I still haven't gotten it but it's in the works)Sept 9th which is near the date of what would've been NOELS delivery.
I also made the decision to not drink alcohol until September which is his due date. Alot of people offered me beer and it was upsetting. (I know it wasn't their intentions to upset me) But drinking was definitely not on my mind. It was the furthest thing actually. So I decided that out of respect for my son I wouldn't drink.
I recently celebrated my 1 year anniversary and my husband bought me a ring with Noel's birthstone. I LOVED IT! While we still had Noel and before receiving the bad news I had mentioned wanting such a ring.
We all grieve in different ways. Some get mad, some get sad, but we all need to push through. Trust me its a hard never ending journey but we must do it.
WHAT HELPS ME PUSH THROUGH:
Remembering I still had the job of WIFE. I couldn't breakdown/give up and leave my husband to pick up all the pieces alone.
Remembering I still had a literal job that I needed and needed me.
Family and friends being a text or phone call away. I constantly talk about my son. I don't care who it may make uncomfortable.
Picking up a hobby
Speaking to women who has gone through a similar situation
